I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
