He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
