Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
