you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
