My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize