Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
