I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
