Screwed.edu
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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