i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
