I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she peed on how many people?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
