I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We have started to decorate penises.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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