I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
