We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
