you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
