I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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