you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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