hotel room ftw
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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