I got chris browned last night
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
