we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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