she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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