The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
