I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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