so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
