3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
