i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
