I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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