i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
