Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I need water and some morals
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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