it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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