So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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