She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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