no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
