Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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