3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
