So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
and you fell through a lawn chair
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize