Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
