why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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