Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
