Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
