i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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