I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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