I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
