I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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