Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm just crazy horny about you
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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