my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
