So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize