Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
