operation harelip BJ is a go
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
