So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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