Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize