just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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