He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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