I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
