It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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