you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
