Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
