I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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