could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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