I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
