my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
