I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
