Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
