Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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