just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
she smelled like a LAN party
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
