You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
