Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
