My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
