those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
