turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
