when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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