Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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