You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
