Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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