somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
