My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
