my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just found a bag of teeth...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
