I think I am morally bankrupt
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
